If you have not already done so, you may wish to read the
Introduction to Gnomica.
Tuesday 14 August 2012
Read gnomica 1-50 here!
“If you love somebody, let them go,
for if they return, they were always yours.
If they don’t, they never were.”
Khalil Gibran (6 Jan 1883 – 10 Apr 1931)
Khalil Gibran, the deeply romantic, hugely popular Arab-American writer, was born and educated in Lebanon (then still part of the Ottoman Empire) until 1895, when his parents came to America.
His comment about the needy lover – whether male or female who clings, won’t let go, can’t live without you — addresses a staple of the romance genre from ancient Greek epigram to Judith McNaught and Nora Roberts. These characters are of course not entirely without their real-world counter-parts, and that’s why they continue to be so engaging.
That recommendation rings familiar to me, for it is advice I have – reluctantly, even dismissively – received over the years from this and that person in connection with that and this knotty juncture of a current romantic relationship not going the way I wanted it to.
But today I am not quite so sanguine about simply dismissing the notion out of hand.
The unhappy fact is that some situations, romantic as well as other, you just can’t reverse-engineer – you just have to accept that what is is in spite of your best salvage efforts. That’s not always easy. But, in my experience, that’s the best option: move on.
Acceptance is not always a pleasant thing, whether in issues large or issues small. There is always that diabolical temptation to “do something” about it, without more closely defining that fuzzy “something” so you can “fix” it. You think that if you just apply enough logic and brain power to a problem you can get it resolved (reading a daily newspaper should disabuse us all of that failed fantasy fast enough!). Well, there are times when living too much in your head works against you and you just have to be firm with your circular thoughts and tell them out and out just to shut the eff up and go away or take a nap or get out of the way … so you can “let them go” and turn your attention to other listening posts, including a solid friend or two, and common sense (there really is such a thing!).
Just ‘let them go’! If they were authentic, they may return, tested, and may become part of you. Or they may not. And, well, that too just happens.
At times I simply need to tell myself the self-evidently obvious!