If you have not already done so, you may wish to read the
Introduction to Gnomica.
Saturday 26 January 2013
Read gnomica 1-250 here!
There is no magic person out there, no perfect human being out there waiting for you.
Helen Reddy (25 Oct 1941 – )
I used to listen to her music a lot back in the seventies because my kids used to listen to her music a lot back in the seventies. I got quite to like it. For certain is that this kind of music from past eras of my life is for me as evocative as — if not actually more so – smells from various periods in the past. Powerfully evocative! A woman I once knew said the same to me once about certain pieces of classical music, and I can identify with that all too easily.
In fact, I still hunt down some of Helen Reddy’s music on youtube (e.g., here, here and here – does it bring back memories to you too from back in the day?). Not surprisingly I associate her music – as I do that of another Aussie from those days , her younger contemporary Olivia Newton John [my youngest daughter played her ‘Please Mr Please’ late into the night and early into the morning, and when I happen to hear it these day I still do get a little catch in my throat!] – always with my children when they still were children, and it is a sweet, emotional and somewhat wistful thing. No, I don’t really want to be or go back there, but I admit I have an awful lot of very happy memories from those days when we were a family of five – even if ‘then’ then often seemed so dreadfully complicated but ‘now’ now seems by comparison infinitely more complexly incomprehensible! And I am not, no way going to get into one of those tediously and tiresomely ‘intellectual’ arguments about my confusing sentimentality with sentiment – you cerebral morons can take that one and shove it way up there where the sun don’t shine no more!!
Anyhoo, back to the epigraph and its veridical and verifiable truth!
Zarina has been looking for Mr. Right all her young life, and SonnyQ, for Ms. Magic. Suppose they meet. All — so they believe — clicks; marriage follows. The stats on that institution are not tremendously encouraging, but nor are they exactly catastrophic. There are a number of variables (first or second marriage, age at marriage, etc.) Very roughly, in America something like one marriage in three ends in divorce. Not great, but not the two in one often cited. Except in some studies — it’s very hard to find agreement in the statistics! – where it does seem to approach 50%.
Would that then mean that about one out of two (i.e., of four once married individuals two are now divorced) once miserable married individuals who participated in that study is now single, whether happily or unhappily?
Whatever the stats are, there’s nothing magical about finding the right person. To my way of thinking it’s pretty much a matter of utter luck, chance, happenstance, being or not being in the right or wrong place at the wrong or right time. I know some terrific hetero guys (solid finances, still in shape and good-looking, educated [at least a four-year college degree, often more], no baggage, respectable jobs [or retired from same], ‘good people’, etc.) who never got married or re-married – ditto for some women equally well certified. And I can’t truly figure out from my perspective why not. Similarly, I’ve known a few types I think undesirable on most counts, but they’re married or re-married and, to judge at least by all external criteria visible to the world at large, in solid, stable relationships.
My Father once told me that only the two people actually in a relationship — actually living it — really know what goes on in that relationship … and, he added, sometimes even they don’t really know what’s going on in their relationship. I’m inclined to believe that he wasn’t absolutely wrong here, nor when he dismissed further discussion of the matter by asserting that “sometimes it just doesn’t seem to work, and sometimes it does, and even God can’t put His finger on that one. At least I don’t recall ever reading anything in the Bible about Adam filing for divorce after Eve f—ed it all up for them with that suspiciously phallic serpent? I mean, they were married, weren’t they? Maybe they were the exception, perfect, magic for each other, and deserved each other. Even the Bible couldn’t really say what went on in their relationship, could it? So how could we?”
Or something to similar effect – it was a long time ago and even if I don’t remember his exact words, the point obviously made a powerful impression on me.
As does Helen Reddy’s refreshingly simple and uncomplicated truth!